What We Hold

How are we holding what we hold?

Earlier this week I attended a tv taping of an interview. Sitting with the large group of like-minded people was something I expected to feel good about. But,,,,,,I started to feel uneasy, like something was off. My gut was giving me signals that I was having a hard time translating until I began to hear particular phrases in my head.

Hold on, Hold your tongue, get hold of yourself, what’s holding you back? Was I holding onto some kind of expectation? Was I grasping to understand? I watched the moderator hold the attention of the audience as I tried to relax. And so it went even after I returned home later in the evening.

As usual my curiosity gave me pause to sit and noodle about the underlying messages I had received earlier. I learned years ago to pay attention to my gut after years of stuffing my feelings to stay safe and not rock the boat as was the unspoken family rule. What came to me first was that my gut was telling me I was not aligned in my head about repeating the pattern of mostly always being with people I considered like-minded.

Something else was needling me. I suddenly realized I was holding onto a concept about right and wrong. My heart was letting me know that I wanted something more. I was quietly yearning to be with people who were perhaps not only like me. I took out pen and paper and began to make a list of how I wanted to hold my whatevers.

· I want to hold what’s dear to my heart beyond right and wrong.

· I want to hold others in ways that are supportive without judging.

· I want to hold spaces where people can come together in spite of their differences and because of differences.

· I want to support all children in ways that allow them to grow independently.

· I want to figuratively hold hands with people around the planet.

It dawned on me that how we hold anything or everything is a choice. Gently, tightly, lovingly, deliberately. Once again, I am reminded that holding anything in a clenched fist might not be optimal. I will hold intent to release my grasp and hold gently the holdings of my heart.