More about Shame as an Ally

Not Your Enemy

I didn’t finish my thoughts about adult shame in my previous post, Shame, Blame, Grief. As adults we are occasionally triggered to remember a childhood imprint. Nathalie Martinek, PhD, has reframed shame to become an ally.

This graphic is a helpful tool to track hints of shame as an adult. I found scenario 3 related to a recent experience where I allowed ‘doubting’ myself linked to an outdated belief about females and submissiveness. Years were spent ‘truth-busting’ my personal truths that evolved as I unraveled who I thought I was and began to understand my identity as more than my roles as wife, mother, daughter, etc. Who we think we are creates the map for beliefs and values.

The key to freeing myself was tied to remembering my personal values and moral principles which I have updated through stages of my life as I accepted myself as Whole, not broken. Rather than seeing life as a bell curve that peaks and dissipates, I see a continuum moving upward without an ending. Spacious, moving and continuous.