Bewildered, Bothered and Moving Forward

A bewildering phase

Living through the bewildering phase ending 2024, I began to notice that many things are out of my control. I sunk into a form of hibernation before I started to grieve. I paid attention to the repeated pattern in my life of losing what was once important. I grieved when my husband died the day before his 52nd birthday; I grieved when 9-11 shook all of us; I grieved when I lost my great-grandmother’s heirloom necklace. Facing the pain of loss is difficult.

Layers of grief. Heavy layers in the beginning of each loss. Slowly, the layers became lighter. Some of the layers evaporated as I began to resurface from a deep sleep. It was like coming out of a dreamworld. The sense of life ‘happening to me’ shifted to a felt sense of knowing that ‘life was happening with me, for me.’

My belief that the opposite of old is NEW, awoke a new energy. I realized that 2025 is only an unfolding network of pathways. I am focusing forward, allowing movement. I feel less constriction and more fluidity. My new belief that is resonating with my heart is that there is positive power in the seeming chaos. I am claiming the possibility of clear sight unclouded by despair or paranoia. From here. WE can see the ways forward. Together.